So... after writing that enormously long blog I spent the day thinking about all the things I left out. I could talk about this stuff all day.
I specifically want to thank my sister for opening the door to the world of bioluminescence. She saw a learning opportunity and she went with it. She didn't have a hidden agenda to "teach" him something when opening that big book. She wanted to simply explore learning together. She had no idea that that idea was going to be carried on this far. She didn't stop the discussion until my son was ready to be done with it. There was no time limit on that learning moment. In our house, we all learn from each other at the most surprising moments. Thank you, Angella, for being in the moment and being present with what was happening in front of your very eyes.
I also remember in detail a conversation I had with our friend James who now, at 40, has created a successful career for himself. A memorable conversation happened when we were first discussing our choice to homeschool. With overwhelming support, he said he fully believed in the power of homeschooling. I didn't know James as a kid, but I can imagine him to be one of those guys that knows a lot about a lot. Well, he said that he was so completely bored in school from the time he was little. Very common for kids who know a lot about a lot. I think at 11 years old (if I remember correctly) he came home and asked his mother to homeschool him. He was desperately wanting to be challenged and stimulated - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He knew, even at 11 years old, that he was smarter and more capable than what the school could provide him. Just like how I, in the second grade knew that Julie Parker's god (or her parents who fed her this garbage) was idiotic for allowing her believe that I would go to hell for not believing in her god. James' story stayed with me and helps me to accept that my children will sometimes know what's best for them, better than I. I will remember to take the time and courage to listen honestly to them and not make judgements on their observations. They will tell me how they will learn best. Either through words or through actions, I will listen. James also told me, with a bit of sadness, that he often wonders how different his life would have turned out if he had been appropriately challenged during those early years. What if he was given opportunities to really follow his passions and intellect? Instead his spent most of his childhood trying to figure out how to stay sane long enough to just graduate and be freed of the system. Thank you, James, for sharing your stories with me. I'm sorry that you never had the educational experience that you knew you deserved. You have inspired me to make sure my children don't have those same regrets.
My earlier writing about my boys checking on their pumpkin patch in the front yard made me think of something important that I wanted to share. I was thinking about disappointments in life and how one learns to deal with them. How important it is to handle disappointments with grace and courage, so that you can move on and learn from them. It led me to thinking about the kinds of lessons from disappointments that I would I like my children to have. A while ago I was arranging a homeschool field trip to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. This was a big deal. I had 202 people signed up for this trip. Everyone knew that the chance to see Alvin Ailey Dance live was a BIG deal. A powerful and memorable experience. For some, it is even life changing. The coordinator I was in contact with was letting me know that sometimes there are classes or even whole schools that cancel at the last minute so there may be extra seats for us. This would not be known until the day of the performance. I wondered what would cause a school or class to cancel such a great field trip. The woman said that there were countless things that could cause students to lose their field trip rights. It could be because of the misbehaving actions of one student (usually the "class clown" I assume) after being warned that everyone in class must behave perfectly or the field trip is off. Or perhaps the class didn't perform well on the standardized tests which made the teacher look bad and therefore needed to enforce some kind of punishment. Or the ever popular... there were too many absences in the school which affects how much money they receive from the district. Or maybe something as simplistic as Mrs. Teacher woke up on the wrong side of the bed and snapped at her class, "All right!!! I've had it!!!!! If I hear another sound from this class in the next hour we are not going on our field trip!!!!!" Well, it's really hard for an entire class to not make a sound for an entire hour. And it's also really hard to be a teacher and not stick to your word. Field Trip to Alvin Ailey CANCELLED.
If my son were in those situations, that would enrage me to know that he would have to learn about disappointment in that way. He would be deprived of an amazing experience because of someone else's poor test scores, or "bad" behavior??? That is not acceptable for me. Nor is that fair. This year, our pumpkins practically rotted on the vine and only grew as big as cantaloupes. After all that hard work and tending to weeds and watering, Mother Nature was not fair to us. So I guess the overall theme is that life is not always fair. But which situation would you rather learn about disappointment from?
Which leads me to my son's soccer coach. Again, an all around amazing teacher. When I tell others about his classes and his style of teaching they sometimes frown at the price we pay to have such a great coach. In comparison, he's about $25 more than other programs out there. Not $2,500 more, just $25. That is the problem with our country. We seem to have a problem with paying teachers, great teachers, what they are really worth. There are a few bad apples in the bunch, but for the most part teachers are the one of the hardest working people I know. They are with not just your child, but several dozens of children for eight hours a day. We need to pay them like they are in charge of the future of our country and our world. Oh, yeah, guess what???? THEY ARE!!!!! Can we not recognize that teachers need to be compensated appropriately so that they can continue to do their jobs with joy? Why do we have such a hard time appreciating such a noble profession? And just because Rocco is a soccer coach does not mean that he is not a teacher. He helps guide kids to improve their coordination, boost their confidence, their resourcefulness, teaches them how to work together, problem solve, think ahead, be mindful of others, etc, etc, etc. Isn't that what a first grade teacher does when he teaches how to write the alphabet or do a book report? I feel sad for all the teachers out there who join this profession thinking they can makes changes in the world while being under the strict, unrelenting watchful eyes of our school district. The nice thing about Rocco is that he completely leaves out terms like: scoring, winning, losing, and beating your classmate. Thank you, Rocco, for being a great teacher to my son. You ARE worth it.
Now, leading to my dear beautiful friend who was a public school teacher for 15 years. She quit because she had had it. Her last school was in a rougher neighborhood. Often when seeing one child do some horrendously horrible act like punch a kid in the face, kick someone down to the ground, or threaten a student's life, she would send them to the principal's office. She would expect the principal to take appropriate actions which would support her. Soon this kid would be back in her classroom with a note from the principal stating that their school can no longer afford any more expulsions or absences, so therefore the student's horrific actions are ignored, or in other words: allowed. Did you know that each school gets docked money from the school district for every absence they have? Again, how is that fair to poor little Sally who never misses a day of school? How is my friend expected to do her job with no support or hope of being respected? She often would be held captive in her classroom because there was a lock-down going on. For those that don't know what that is: Lock-down is when there is a dangerous situation outside or on the school campus which could potentially endanger the students' lives. For example, a shoot out or an angered person who is waving around a gun, or a possible kidnapping/hostage situation. In those situations, it is the teachers' sole responsibility to keep all the children safe in their locked classroom until the police have arrived to say it's okay to leave. The children must pee in a bucket because they are not allowed to go to the bathroom. The children have no food or water. And it's all up to the teacher to keep order and sanity in the classroom. My friend would regularly be locked in her classroom until 8 or 9pm!!!! She did not get overtime, extra vacation, or even a little gold star next to her name for such commitment. What the hell is wrong with our attitudes towards teachers? Thank you, Rose-Yvonne for your 15 years of wanting to help our children.
You may be thinking that you don't really have to worry about that kind of environment for your child because you'd never live in that kind of neighborhood. Well, welcome to the other side of the tracks, in private schools where I hear kids can do horrendous acts in school (as above) and never fear of being kicked out because their parents donate absurd amounts of money. How is THAT fair? Neither environment is one that my children will have to endure.
And last but not least... on going to college. When I was entering as an 18 year old freshman and choosing my first semester classes along with choosing my major, I was a bit confused and overwhelmed. I had never been asked to pick my classes before. Except maybe whether I wanted to take P.E. during 4th period or 6th period. My mother was standing next to me in the orientation room helping me. I wanted to be a major listed as "Undecided". Why not? Was there some stigma to entering college and being undecided? To my mother, I guess there was. She said that I should be a Communications Major. What??? Why??? I don't even know what that means?!?! She made some cockamamie statement to me about how I was good at communicating with people. So she filled in that bubble for me on my form. I was undecided, but she decided for me.
To a naive and young 18 year old, being asked to decide on your major feels like you are being asked what you want to be for the rest of your life. Eternity. Until you die. I thought I was signing away my life on the dotted line, right next to the question about whether or not I was going to eat in the cafeteria that year. That was it, I was doomed to be a Communications Major and find a job with a company that knew what that meant. Really, this is no exaggeration. I remember being depressed for several days as I started school. I really thought this was the beginning of the rest of my life in hell. Then I met other students, Seniors even, who were STILL undecided! Thank god I was not the only one.
My entire school life had been controlled by teachers and the "system" and my parents. They told me when and how and what to study. Pressuring me to make certain grades and pursuing things that I didn't want to pursue so that I could look "well-rounded". With that upbringing and reins so tight on who I should be, how could any 18 year old answer such a heavy question with certainty and confidence. I did not know who I was. I only knew who they wanted me to become.
This is why we homeschool. Because my children came into this world to blaze their own paths. Not to follow every one else's.
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