My Day With Urine

So it all started at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  I take my two boys into the bathroom and when I turn around from locking the private bathroom door I see my little tiny baby with both hands on the toilet seat.  Not on it, actually.  But holding the seat from underneath.  I gasp.  His immediate reaction to my gasp is to step back and stick both hands in his mouth.  I breastfeed him IMMEDIATELY.  Breastmilk will kill anything.  Or so I tell myself. 

Then at home, my older son says he has to go pee.  Fine.  He goes into the bathroom and then I hear his little brother say, "Uh Oh" several times.  I ask what is wrong.  Kien tells me some crazy story that I don't quite understand.  "I lifted the lid and saw that it was stuck to the wood."  We don't have wood anywhere near where he is peeing but I don't ask.  And then what?  "The pee went all over the place."  Oh dear, let me clean that up right away before his brother slips and falls in it. 

After I clean up that urine I notice that the little baby has taken the potty seat and is dragging it all over the house.  Just because this potty seat is made for little bottoms and is not quite as heavy as a regular toilet seat does not mean that it is any less dirty.

Urine is fine.  I hear that it is sterile. 

And now at 3am, I am cleaning up a heap of my dog's vomit the size of a softball on the carpet.  It is basically undigested kibble stuck together with stomach slime. 

I am going to go to bed now.