Everything he wants, he can't have. Well, he shouldn't have. Otherwise, poison control and 911 would be frequent phone calls. So, I am constantly taking things from his hands or his mouth. The dogs tail is one of them.
Of course, anything on the floor was always ignored in the past. Heck, that's why I put it on the floor in the first place. I didn't want to look at it anymore, or I just couldn't deal with it at the time, so the ground has always been as good a place as any. But now, super human, turbo charged vacuum cleaner and floor polisher (aka: my son) sees all these things that I wanted to ignore. He picks them up and within an instant the meanie-monster-mommy has snatched it away from him. Gone are the days where he didn't know any better. Now, he realizes that whatever he's not supposed to have is probably the best "toy" of all.
Something that has taken the place of his regular baths is his frequent visit to the dogs water bowl. Certainly that is safe! After all, I spent all summer teaching him how fun water is and encouraged him to make really big splashes while we swam. So, there's no reason why he shouldn't splash the dogs water all over the kitchen. He's actually tried to climb into the bowl because I think it reminds him of a swimming pool, on a smaller scale. Again, meanie-monster-mommy steps in.
Excuse me as I write this. My brain is being infiltrated with Baby Einstein music and I can't think straight. At the same time, I am hoping that the boy will be distracted enough with his own toys so that I can write something. Instead, he finds crawling directly under my chair to be the most exciting option. I'm sure there are safer places but at least I know where he is.
Today I had an audition and I had to bring the boy. Always a very anxiety-filled event. For me, not for him. The audition times are NEVER convenient, I spend an hour deciding what to wear, then another hour griping about having to actually shower and wear make-up, then I usually have to wake the boy from some precious nap, and drive in LA traffic to actually find where I'm going.
Of course there was some "event" happening on Hollywood Blvd. so there were all kinds of detours, crazy drivers, and lost people trying to drive past the cones that said "Do Not Enter". Clearly, a big red circle with a line going through it is not a universal language. But oh well, I'm pressed for time. My next mission is to find a parking spot that is within reasonable walking distance from the building that I need to go to. Otherwise, I know exactly how I would look after pushing a stroller uphill ten blocks in 90 degree weather. And I didn't put on this make up for nothing!
I find a spot a mere two blocks away. Lucky me! My next issue was a parking meter that kept eating my quarters but not giving me any credit for it. So either pride, being rushed, or the fact that I already gave it $3.00 prevented me from moving my car to a "working" meter. The sign said, "$2.00 for each hour" but the meter was only showing that I had 58 minutes after giving it three bucks! MAD TIMES!!!! Anyway, the boy was already in his stroller, and I very well couldn't have left him on the street as I moved my car to another meter. Surely, that would be called in as child abandonment. And I hadn't even gotten to the audition yet! I think I put in over $5.00 before it finally read that I had two hours.
Dazed and confused, I strolled our way down Hollywood Blvd. looking like a lost tourist. Luckily, I ran into an old friend of mine at the audition. It was so lovely to see him. He helped me find the elevator in the building. And lucky for me, the casting director was very "kid friendly"! She didn't mind one bit that I lugged the boy into her waiting room. The stroller took up the entire hallway, but she maneuvered around it without a second thought.
I spent the next several minutes reconnecting with my friend, and wouldn't you know it? The boy had everyone entertained! He smiled, laughed, and soaked in his admirations. There wasn't a person there who couldn't help but smile at him. It's like I put a quarter in him and he was all ready for some tricks.
I'm just about ready to be called in so I decide to breastfeed him really super fast. Ya know, to keep his chipper personality just a little bit longer. So, I snuck into what seemed like the office supplies room and shut the door. I sat on several reams of paper as the fax machine was spouting out papers and the coffee machine was making funny noises. Out came the booby for feeding time. I tell ya! If you told me I'd be doing this when he was two weeks old, I'd have laughed in your face.
A mere five minutes later, I hear my name being called over and over and over again. My lovely friend tells them where I am. There's nothing discreet about, "She's breastfeeding in the supply closet." So, I hurriedly pull my shirt down and hop out the room. I throw the boy like a sack of potatoes to my friend who's agreed to hold him while I have my audition. Then as I enter the audition room I take a split second to make sure I'm all put together. And, alas! That darned breast pad was half sticking out of my shirt. Seconds before the casting director turns around to say hello I managed to shove it back in. But god knows how the rest of me looked.
Well, it didn't take long for me to actually figure out how I looked. After the audition, I looked in my car mirror: raccoon eyes from the mascara because it was so hot out, and my hair was a mess because I had my sunglasses on top of my head for the past three hours.
Auditions now that I'm a mother have proven to be quite difficult. But once I get there and see other moms lugging around their kid(s) I feel like I'm a part of some secret masochistic club.
Okay, it's taken me three days to actually write this. I don't know if I got out the point that I had started out with. But more will be coming shortly!!!
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